Sunday, April 25, 2010

ATTENTION: Missing Friend: last seen when single!

"Anne* and I use to be close friends. Until she got a boyfriend" - Cassandra

A friend and I were discussing a friend who has been some what absent the past, oh - 18 months. It started off gradually. Anne* would have an excuse why she couldn't meet up for the usual drinks with girls on Friday night at the local bar or come shopping on those Saturday mornings when the weather was bad. Anne* eventually stopped replying to our texts and calls. As you can imagine, this was pretty confusing and hurtful for myself and my girlfriends. We had been replaced - by a man. It's one thing to say you feel like a night in on Friday night to watch Carrie and co. express their angst over men on their Friday night - but to be traded in for a boyfriend and our 'other' 'boring' married friends is like a little stab in our constantly flexed single girl abs.

But why does this happen so frequently?

'The boyfriend' creates social implications, whether you like it or not. Your social circle changes, I.e. in the beginning, you have just doubled your social life - You both set up an active social life while single and neither of you want to disappoint your friends by ditching them for the 'new guy'. However the social strain on both of you to keep up the social side of your former single selves flares up quicker than you can say 'vodka lime and soda, no ice, extra lime, real lime? thanks.'

The couple then goes into rebellion. They stay in and completely ditch their friends and reason to each other that there friends should understand, because they are in the honeymoon stage and the world is as if they have invisible rose coloured glasses on. During this time of isolation and paired up solitary confinement - the couple normally (if lucky) form a close bond and may even develop their own code of language, for example; their former first name may even be replaced to 'boo' or 'chook' (long story). They eventually emerge, however like anyone who has been kept in the dark and away from society as they knew it for lengthy periods, they are gradually introduced back; they accept the odd birthday and christening invite - if only to show off their new relationship and shut up their old single friends who have recently started throwing eggs at their bedroom window.

Another difference in their social lives when they emerge from the 'confinement' is the way they view their different circle of friends. Their single friends represent what they were before - independent, cynical on love and debated the out-dated nature of love in it's entirety and those who might be guilty of a sneaky pash and dash at any intoxicated moment. Then there were the paired up and married friends who were once seen to be 'boring' and 'never around' - these 'friends' if they could call them that after their confinement and re-directing of friendship, were now looking like a warm and familiar set of faces to congregate with.

But why???? What did us single folk ever do to you??

In my opinion it happens because the world is a different place when two people's lives collide into one. The friends and connections you had before seem like connections to their single selves, which are not compatible in their new lives in coupledom. People like to be around people who understand them, have similar values and can relate too; for example - mothers groups, ethnic groups, Buddhist monks in the high mountains of Tibet..

All in all, because of the musical chair nature of love and life - the value in friendship is just as important as the valuing of your dearly beloved. When you emerge out of loved up confinement - the re-directing and abandonment of long term friends is not always necessary; unless your friends are actually egging your bedroom window and actively trying to seduce your Mr boo bear bubby wubble. (spew).

Creative Commons License
Loyalties Of Life by Christal A is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.
Based on a work at loyaltiesoflife.blogspot.com.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Once upon a time a princess did NOT kiss her toad....

Sitting on a crowded train home from the Sydney hills district to the coast, for a mere moment I forgot where I was and let out a quiet giggle followed by a pitiful shake of the head. I was on my way home from an 'enlightening' date and the only lasting memory of this date will be what happened afterwards.

I had met the 'toad' months prior, however briefly - we later connected on facebook and we played with the idea of catching up for dinner. The perfect time came around as we were both on holidays (he is a high school teacher and I am in my last year of uni). As my grandparents live in his area, I offered to come up and kill two birds with one stone, as they say.

'Toad' was right on time and after explaining to my very conservative grandparents that I was going to meet a group of people for dinner and perhaps it would be best not to wait up - I clip clopped down the front path to meet the 'Toad Miester', Yes......'The Toad Miester' is his actual nickname so you can understand my laughing to myself and the shaking of the head on my way home.

'Toad' welcomed me with a warm smile and I started conversation off straight away. In the first 3 minutes of our drive to Newport I was searching for a spark. There was nothing.

Our conversation flowed and we discussed religion and politics in great detail and made humorous comments along the way. It was turning into an uncomfortably 'pleasant' and slightly dull date.

Once we got into the restaurant, I was able to better look at my date and continue to search for any kind of spark. Again….nothing. Sitting across from him at dinner, I looked him in the eye while he spoke, all the while using my peripheral vision to continue to search - Nothing. In fact, it made it worse. While nodding at all the right places while he discussed his travels and dreams - I realised why his friends and family call him 'The Toad Miester' - if he were made into a caricature of an animal, there would be no species more representative of him than a toad. Yes, I went on a date with someone whose caricature would be that of a toad. I am shaking my head at myself as I write this. I asked if he knew why he was called 'Toad' and he laughed and said he had no idea..... oh damn I wish I was rude enough to fill him in on the joke...that he did in face look like a 'good looking toad'.

After another uncomfortably 'pleasant' drive back I was happy to be dropped off. Walking down the familiar path which I first walked down at age 2, I let out a deflated sigh and dramatically threw my arms in the air and asked 'why!!!!! why did I have to travel 2.5 hours for that!!!'

I was 3 steps into the front door when I got a text from 'Toad' - "Hey, thanks for coming up, I had a good night! If it is ok by you I would just like to be friends'. I was a little amused by this as to me it just seemed obvious. I replied - "Hey, yeah - i totally agree :o)". I thought this was the end of it....

I checked my facebook an hour later and I wanted to check his profile for a link he mentioned. However, when i went to search for him, he was not my 'friend' anymore; the bugger DELETED me just an hour after the 'date'.

Not really particularly being one to go down without knowing why - I messaged him. I said - "Hi, I was happy to remain friends although just wondering why you have deleted me off facebook?" he came back with - "Realistically, are we ever going to talk again?" To which I replied "S*** that's depressing. I was happy to remain friends as we do have a lot in common. Good luck with it TOAD' - he came back with an apology; however to me it was done.

My understanding of it would be that despite saying otherwise (him being a 'churchie'), he realised soon on that he was not going to get into my Alice McCall dress anytime soon.

The joke is on me though in hindsight.. Who knew 'Toad' would turn out to be a toad.

This princess only kisses princes.

Creative Commons License
Loyalties Of Life by Christal A is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.
Based on a work at loyaltiesoflife.blogspot.com.