Breathe. Just Breathe.

I think the saying ‘if you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen’ applies if you find yourself two anxious thoughts away from a panic attack when waiting for your date to call.

These anxious moments by the phone, email, Facebook and msn messenger build yourself up to either be a stronger dater or weaken your dating longevity. Some women go into denial - ‘I know it’s been two weeks, he is just really busy at the moment. AND maybe they died in a freak accident? Their phone was stolen? He was secretly in the CIA and has been shipped off to Afghanistan for secret interrogation work? Some go on the defensive ‘Well, if he isn’t going to call then there’s no way in hell I am calling him, I didn’t even like him that much anyways!!!’ Some women stalk their dates if they haven’t received a call by the next day. Ladies, 57 missed calls from a private number isn’t a subtle approach - he knows it’s you!

Personally, I react differently each time. Some times I will be happy to wait the standard three-four days and then either give up waiting or depending on the person I might send an email. Other times, if I have known them for awhile and have had a daily call, text or emailing session leading up to the date, I will generally start convincing myself the date went terribly if I have not heard from them in less than 24 hours; because maybe I was too worried about how my hair looked or worried about getting food on my face to notice the crashing and burning of the potential relationship happening around me.

Interestingly, if my date whom I never wanted to see again contacts me, I still feel relieved after he has made the first contact. Because the ball has been left in my court – I have been given the offer of something more with that person and I can choose to let it wither and die with one little text message or I can feed that persons desire to let what we have grow into something. I have been given control.

Why so anxious?

Because, dating is personal and the rejection you feel afterwards is always personal. I have always thought that dating is a process where each dater assesses and critiques their date, for example; ‘Hmmm his nose scrunches up in a weird way when he laughs, I don’t know about that’ and ‘he nods too much when I am talking, I don’t know about that either.’ Whereas, love is about accepting and embracing all the quirks and differences that person has. We all want to get to the love stage, eventually and maybe more than we may admit sometimes, so dating can be brutal, it is little rejections of an offer or hope of love.

Can I handle the heat? Probably not as well as some people and probably better than others. The biggest thing to remember is that no matter how amazing and promising one date looked before your entrée, if it didn’t work out it simply was not meant to be.


Loyalties Of Life by Christal A is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.
Based on a work at loyaltiesoflife.blogspot.com.

Men to Avoid

The partner we choose in life is one of the biggest and most significant choices we will ever make. Some people are devastated by their choices and some people appear to be blessed with a beautiful life and beautiful partner. For someone who has been somewhat unlucky in love up until this point, here are some guidelines I have learnt along the way:

Don't go out with the guy who.....

1) talks about himself in third person; remember 'Jimmy' who chases Elaine in the Seinfeld episode 'The Jimmy' (Season 6 Episode 105). It's funny for awhile, but after that you start believing there may be psychotic tendencies at play.

2) is married/recently separated/is in prison/has a personality disorder/lives on the streets/has bad breathe. These men are unavailable either physically, emotionally or both. Also, any guy who suggests you lay down in the boot of his car as a 'fun game' he probably wants to kill you.

3) listens to Cher, Madoonna and Barbara Streissand while reading the IKEA catalogue in bed and dusting his home-made cup cake crumbs off your new pink Peter Alexander fluffy robe. The man is gay. Accept it - your boyfriend is now the best girlfriend you have ever had (Hello, Will & Grace).

4) see's life as a Broadway musical (the guy who breaks out into song at any available moment, asks you to announce him before he enters rooms in a 'non mediocre' way; and thinks the best way to avoid an argument is to sing a ballad from the Pirates of Penzance). You will always be the supporting role in his life, or even regarded as an audience member with season tickets - and let's not mention the associated stress of attending to such a 'huge talent'.

5) somehow managed to convince you that giving up your career and taking up cooking/cleaning classes was the best idea for everyone; that his best mate moving into the spare room ('men's game room') was the best idea he has ever had and that Sunday aka 'nudist day' is also the best idea he has ever had - it's obvious he took a hypnotist course - get out now, the man has secret powers.

Just thank me later.

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Loyalties Of Life by Christal A is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.
Based on a work at loyaltiesoflife.blogspot.com.