A friend and I were discussing a friend who has been some what absent the past, oh - 18 months. It started off gradually. Anne* would have an excuse why she couldn't meet up for the usual drinks with girls on Friday night at the local bar or come shopping on those Saturday mornings when the weather was bad. Anne* eventually stopped replying to our texts and calls. As you can imagine, this was pretty confusing and hurtful for myself and my girlfriends. We had been replaced - by a man. It's one thing to say you feel like a night in on Friday night to watch Carrie and co. express their angst over men on their Friday night - but to be traded in for a boyfriend and our 'other' 'boring' married friends is like a little stab in our constantly flexed single girl abs.
But why does this happen so frequently?
'The boyfriend' creates social implications, whether you like it or not. Your social circle changes, I.e. in the beginning, you have just doubled your social life - You both set up an active social life while single and neither of you want to disappoint your friends by ditching them for the 'new guy'. However the social strain on both of you to keep up the social side of your former single selves flares up quicker than you can say 'vodka lime and soda, no ice, extra lime, real lime? thanks.'
The couple then goes into rebellion. They stay in and completely ditch their friends and reason to each other that there friends should understand, because they are in the honeymoon stage and the world is as if they have invisible rose coloured glasses on. During this time of isolation and paired up solitary confinement - the couple normally (if lucky) form a close bond and may even develop their own code of language, for example; their former first name may even be replaced to 'boo' or 'chook' (long story). They eventually emerge, however like anyone who has been kept in the dark and away from society as they knew it for lengthy periods, they are gradually introduced back; they accept the odd birthday and christening invite - if only to show off their new relationship and shut up their old single friends who have recently started throwing eggs at their bedroom window.
Another difference in their social lives when they emerge from the 'confinement' is the way they view their different circle of friends. Their single friends represent what they were before - independent, cynical on love and debated the out-dated nature of love in it's entirety and those who might be guilty of a sneaky pash and dash at any intoxicated moment. Then there were the paired up and married friends who were once seen to be 'boring' and 'never around' - these 'friends' if they could call them that after their confinement and re-directing of friendship, were now looking like a warm and familiar set of faces to congregate with.
But why???? What did us single folk ever do to you??
In my opinion it happens because the world is a different place when two people's lives collide into one. The friends and connections you had before seem like connections to their single selves, which are not compatible in their new lives in coupledom. People like to be around people who understand them, have similar values and can relate too; for example - mothers groups, ethnic groups, Buddhist monks in the high mountains of Tibet..
All in all, because of the musical chair nature of love and life - the value in friendship is just as important as the valuing of your dearly beloved. When you emerge out of loved up confinement - the re-directing and abandonment of long term friends is not always necessary; unless your friends are actually egging your bedroom window and actively trying to seduce your Mr boo bear bubby wubble. (spew).
Loyalties Of Life by Christal A is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.
Based on a work at loyaltiesoflife.blogspot.com.
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