Liar Liar....Your Dating Style is on Fire

There are three kinds of liars in the dating world. Liars who lie to appear more appealing to their date and the liar who will sit there lying to themselves as they force themselves to like their date because it's the most action they have got all year. Then of course, we may be all a little guilty of this...at the end of the date the dater may even end in a little white lie, such as: "Ok, well I really must be off, my grandmother is sick and I promised I would see her, and she goes to bed quite early...so you understand?" ..."But you said your only living relative is your older brother who lives with the Tibetan monks in Nepal?"

But do liars have better dating success?

If we think of it as a game - you are in the middle on the dating arena, you are open and interested in seeing who is out there. You will come across people you like, some people you cannot make your mind up about and some people you want to gnaw your own ears off. In order to stay active in the game, you need to sift through the undesirable in order to increase your chances of success. This process requires the dater to manoeuvre their way in the dating area (accepting and rejecting) where they still appear to be charming and sensitive; I.e. you need to be good at lying. You need a rehearsed plan which accommodates for plan A. (the date goes really well but you might play hard to get so you pretend you have plans when they call you 3 days later) Plan B. (you are unsure if you want to see R. or J. on Saturday night so you tell them you might have something on and will get back to them asap - or whenever you finally decide which is more desirable) and plan C. (when the date went terribly and you need to lie to be kind...for example; "It's not you...It's me"). Without these lies, how can a dater juggle the demands of the game?

A well constructed lie can save a dater's reputation for sure.

For some people the game is more fun than actually finding someone to one day put down as your 'person to call in an emergency'. These people, 'player's' stay in the game for longer than they should and normally come out of it wrinkly - just like being in a bath too long.

At the end of the day, dating is game, a dance, a risk taking and vulnerable adventure and it is most likely that people will lie, hopefully mainly to protect themselves or to be kind to a fellow 'sensitive' or 'bruised' dater. It's a jungle out there!


Loyalties Of Life by Christal A is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.
Based on a work at loyaltiesoflife.blogspot.com.

The 'Perfect' Date

What classifies as a good date? In all honesty

You need to have at least established the following:

a) the other person turned up
b) you didn't call/or be called by the wrong name (your ex or their last date's name)
c) you didn't throw up on someone or have any other involuntary explosion of bodily fluids
d) neither of you seem to be or are inspired to become axe wielding psychopaths.

However, you can have a 'good date' yet neither of you contact each other...is it just as black and white as Greg Behrendt (aka the 'he's just not that into you' guy) suggests?

Ideally you have:

a) connected in a way beyond the normal 'so yeah..you're a PA, how fascinating, how did you get into that?' conversation.

b) you laughed and found yourself smiling throughout the date

c) you were sad to see the date end and you both hinted that you are both looking forward to seeing each other again soon


....but then, nothing!

After chatting with single friends and going on a few dates myself over the years - I think it goes beyond you both not being that into each other. I accidentally found myself on a date a little while ago. He was charming, funny, intelligent and interesting. We got along well and talked for hours about everything from religion, travelling, science, life experiences, ideologies and so on. Yet, after the date had finished, the spark had also died out. It was if, that 'date' was just for the hell of it as neither of us thought to pursue another one. I have later found out that he was moving overseas two weeks later and did not want to start something which might prove impossible; and I realised that I did not call was because it was also bad timing for me as well (the word 'relationship' makes me want to go into witness protection and work as a dressed up cartoon character and hand out badly written fliers).

So what happens with those perfect dates? Do you go back and salvage them when the timing is right?

Perhaps not.

Maybe we all need a 'perfect' date every now and then. As single people we feel the pressure to go on dates and meet new people; however the act of going on a date and having a fantastic time can also feed a hunger which is limited to having a perfect date. The satisfaction of having a great date may surpass the actual desire to become coupled up with another person. I know I felt happy to of had that successfully interesting and fun date, however I was not hungry for another one because that could potentially present a potentially confusing hiccup in my stagnated dating timeline. Maybe it is sometimes better to preserve that date and look back on it fondly as a great day and know you are capable of having a great time; and not giving in to pressure of pursuing a relationship just because you think you owe it to the perfect date.


X x


Loyalties Of Life by Christal A is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.
Based on a work at loyaltiesoflife.blogspot.com.