Dating Guys my Own Age and the Buggery of Facebook IV (finale)

After a relaxing summer filled with friends, parties, sangria and beach balls.. I started feeling anxious.. what was it? did I leave the kettle on? NO. Iron? No, I don't iron...hair straightener? (possibly)..."Oh Darnit!!!" I stop kicking sand at my brother immediately and stand still - copping a sand bomb in the stomach. "I have to go! I need to break up with my boyfriend" I tell my brother. "You're what!?!" he presses. "You know... boyfriend...are you the only person under 25 who does not check Facebook twice a day?" I nag him..."I really do have to go I can't even begin to explain it either". Leaving my brother stunned and a lonely sand kicker, I march home.

You see, my plan B. was quite complex. I could not break up with him on Christmas or New years (please refer to previous post) but I did not want to physically put myself in my new relationship so to speak. I needed reasons NOT to see him.

My excuses between the 24th of December - 9th January

1. It's Christmas and I have family duties........24/7....at a secret hide out...with limited phone reception...
2. "I am actually going on holidays.. I'm leaving in 5 minutes.. can't talk now byeeeee"
3. I have a suspicious rash, I don't know how I got it...It might even be a late outbreak of SARS or even Menningococcal...

Needless to say, I was trying to physically escape the relationship which had been branded all over cyber-space.


I got home, poured a big glass of water and started practising my break up speech. Today was the day I said I would call after I received the all clear on the Menningococcal front.

Everything was right to go.. I had waited until after the Christmas and New Years period..I had not led him to believe anything more than he had already thought and I had personalised a break up speech...everything was lined up...Until he showed up!

My Facebook relationship was colliding with my real life. Standing in the kitchen wet, sandy, red cheeks from the sun peeking out from under my oversize beach hat - I look up to see 'Jamie' knocking at the back door with a sheepish expression on his face.

Oh crap crap crap crap crap CRAP!

There was no escaping, he had already seen me through the glass door.

I pull myself together, take a deep breathe and tell myself "come on, be a man, he had no right to announce a relationship with you on Facebook without prior warning and due notification.".

I always forget how tall 'Jamie' is and it takes me aback as I open the door. By a rough estimate I would place him at 6"4. His tall frame towers over my 5"3 physique and I have to stand back so I can comfortably look at him while speaking to each other.

I invite 'Jamie' in - I can tell he anxious about seeing me so I try and uplift the mood by talking about mutual friends and what has been happening lately since New Years. I avoid talking about his feelings and depression surrounding Christmas and family at all costs.

Before I could offer 'Jamie' some lunch, my brother storms in. "You can't just say you have a boyfriend and storm off!.. wtf!!". His face is red and looks some what irritated.

'Jamie' turns to my brother like an angry giant ready for war, he assesses his enemy.. looking him up and down - his nostrils flaring, his face tightens.. "That would be me" he says in a deep angry voice. Before either of us could correct him, 'Jamie' turns to me "So, how long have you been seeing this guy? hey!! I should of known you weren't sick or away with family..It's over, we are finished!!!" his voice cracks on the last few words..I felt a pang of guilt and sadness. 'Jamie' does not linger - he walks out with so much force, my brother and I freeze giving 'Jamie' open access to a dramatic walk out. I put my finger to my lip to motion to my brother to remain silent.

The door slams and 'Jamie' is gone.


After filling my brother in we decide to check Facebook. As suspected, 'Jamie' has changed his relationship status via his iphone just minutes after he left the house. All of the people who congratulated him on his 'in a relationship' status were now commenting on his single status. The replies ranged from shock and confusion to 'women hating' and sympathetic condolences.

I wish I felt relieved..However even though in my eyes the relationship was never 'real' - 'Jamie' thought it was and so did his 300 or so 'friends' on Facebook, was it real???

*slap*

my brother affectionately slaps me on the cheek - "are you kidding me with this?... Let's follow on with this thing.. post break up pig out...you get the chocolate block and ice cream and I'll pretend to hate 'There's something about Mary'".


With that I closed the chapter on yet another failed 'relationship', my shortest one since year 3 which lasted 2 days.


((I have since been in contact with Jamie and explained that the guy who walked in was actually my brother and so he clearly got the wrong idea.. however I was planning on breaking up with him that afternoon had it not been for the misunderstanding... we are on friendly terms and hopefully one day he will find someone who he is totally compatible with and who is as equally excited to be in a relationship))


Loyalties Of Life by Christal A is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.
Based on a work at loyaltiesoflife.blogspot.com.

Dating Guys my Own Age and the Buggery of Facebook III

After some greasy chips and gravy I decided the only way to get through this without making 'Jamie' feel embarrassed would be to pretend that we were in a relationship. After all, it was the day before Christmas Eve.. my hands were tied - only the Grinch would break up with someone on Christmas. After the dust had settled and the sparkle from the Christmas tree had dimmed, I would handle it by giving 'Jamie' the break up he deserved.

As promised, 'Jamie' called after he finished work. He was depressed. 'Jamie' said: "I think I should tell you about my family... well, one Christmas my family had this huge fight and no one talk to each other any more.. but do not worry about me, I will be ok..But if it was not for you I would have been really depressed".

Oh NO!! Plan A. EPIC FAIL.

After playing the perfect girlfriend on the phone with 'Jamie' listening to and trying to understand his Christmas sorrow - I was moved and felt very empathetic to his story, however 'Jamie' was like a big emotional leach just slowly sucking all my courage out of me the longer I chatted with him. I wanted to help, I wanted to fix it...but I knew by doing that I was digging myself a bigger hole.

I couldn't help but think that if this relationship was not branded on Facebook it would of been a lot easier to dismiss as a breakdown in communication..if it's on Facebook it makes the relationship appear to be more official because it is publicised to your 120 or 850 closest 'friends' and family.

I needed a Plan B and a vodka & tonic.

Dating Guys my Own Age and the Buggery of Facebook II

After dozing in and out of sleep for no longer than 20 minutes my phone started flashing, buzzing and dancing on my bedside table. It was 'Jamie'. Irritated by the disturbance I was reluctant to answer. I Answer the phone in a broken, croaky voice: "Hey..what's up?" 'Jamie' answers in a slimy but cheery voice: "Hello there dear, what are you doing?" ... "are you still drunk, why are you talking like that? I am sleeping, is anything wrong?" ..."No I was just wondering what you were up too, I miss you already" ... "what? 'Jaimie' I am going back to sleep. Talk to you later" ..."OOoookie then, I will call you when I finish work"... "yeah great". As soon as I shut my flip phone it hit me...

I am 'Jamie's' new RELATIONSHIP on Facebook!! ?? !! ??

Oh BUGGER crap crap crap crap crap CRAP!

I quickly jump out of bed, turn my monitor on and sign into Facebook. By this stage over 15 people had commented and 7 people had liked his new relationship status. As I was reading the new set of comments I am hit with 3 texts arriving in perfect sequence from friends who have seen the post. Sarah: "Ouuu la la! congrats Chickie!" Madeleine: "Hey Beautiful, are you seeing 'Jamie' its all over Facebook!" 'Shrek': "Lets go out tonight for celebratory drinks".

Oh crap crap crap crap crap CRAP!

I walked through to the kitchen... stunned...My friend who had also had a big night somewhere else walked through and asked what was up with me.. I was speechless... I threw my arms up in the air and shook my head. Confused, my friend asks "you lost your phone again?" -i shake my head- "you did the hyena laugh for an extended period of time resulting in vodka pouring out of your nose?" ...nearly, but no..."Oh no, you didn't get into a religious debate again did you?". I decide to put her out of her misery. I place both my hand over my face and yell "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT IT.. ITS ON FACEBOOK WHAT DO I DOOOO" I took my hands off my face and met a stunned stare from my friend. We both looked at each other and cracked it. Trying to breathe between the laughter I try and tell her it's not funny, its serious! 'Jamie' is serious! We calm ourselves down. By this point we are both sitting on the floor unable to move.

My friend then asks me a series of questions assessing how much I was too blame for the new relationship status. After drilling me for reasons why 'Jamie' could possibly think he was in a relationship with me, we concluded that 'Jamie' was in fact deluded.

My head is pounding...I sit and stare at the screen... what now?

Dating Guys my Own Age and the Buggery of Facebook.

This is something which happened recently which deserves special mention...

Ok so I meet this guy... we have a mutual 'friend' however I use this term loosely (now). We ran into each other at a Wednesday trivia night at a local bar while I was with my dad who was calmly waiting for the Anthony Mundine fight to commence. 'Shrek' (his name has clearly been changed) and I greeted with an awkward embrace - he was over keen and I was somewhat hesitant as I was unsure which kind of offensive aroma I would be met with this time...pot? stale bourbon? 'Shrek' was in good spirits and insisted I come to trivia. I contemplated my night with my father .... a big empty room up stairs with 7 other 50 something year old men hovered around a big TV complaining about all the unknown boxers preceding Mundine.....I told 'Shrek' I will come down for a bit later on. After watching a few fights I thought a bit of intellectual stimulation was favourable. I took the lift down to the lobby... I looked in the lift mirror...I was not looking my best...I had my hair curly, half up and half down and I was wearing my dark brown rimmed Dior reading glasses. I would of looked like a Sunday school teacher if it wasn't for a missing top button on my knitted top. I tried to correct it as I did not want to give 'Shrek' and his friends anything to look at.

I walk out into the lower level which is busy with pensioners being seduced by the bright lights and quirky sounds of the poker machines. I find 'Shrek' and his friends in a separate area where trivia has already begun. I am greeted with warm welcomes and quickly decide I am not interested in any of these boisterous and competitive 'young men' arguing over which picture cut out is Britney Spears' abs.

I sit down at the table next to a tall, blonde, pleasant looking guy. He is plainly dressed and straight away reminds me of a character from the Muppet show (I later find out he loves this show and see's the similarity between himself and this character). 'Jamie' is a primary school teacher and prides himself in knowing all of the teen/young adult popular culture trivia. 'Jamie' and I start a conversation off as I too have an interest in teaching. Meanwhile.....'Shrek' is sitting half a meter away too my right. I look over at him mid game and notice he is staring at me. We lock eyes and he smiles a rehearsed smile and manages a slight twinkle in his tired eyes. I throw an even more rehearsed and border line patronising smile and stare into his eyes with a blankness which cuts the air of flirtatious possibility to nil.

'Jamie' witnesses this and 'Shrek' admits his defeat.

'Jamie' pursued a conversation with me which was quite bland in the content, however his energy and mild childish yet controlled flirtation made me feel relaxed and unguarded as far as preventing any unwanted romantic advances. I felt some tension at the table so I decided to head back upstairs. Dad and I had a little giggle about 'Shrek's' charade and unwarranted flirtation.

The next day I log into Facebook. There is a friend request from 'Jamie'. I willingly accept as I had enjoyed getting to know him.

A couple of weeks later I see them again at a house party. By this stage 'Jamie' and I have talked a few times on Facebook and seem to have a lot in common. After pouring my own vodka and lemonade into a plastic cup for most of the night I was ready for bed. Before I leave, 'Jamie' corners me to the side after an hour or so of talking together on the balcony. He asks me "Would you go out with me"? and I said "yeah sure, lets do dinner next week". I left feeling pretty happy with myself.. buzzing from too much sugar and vodka, I skipped down the driveway singing 'follow the yellow brick road" right into a taxi.

The next day I woke up with a mild headache and sore feet from prancing about in high heels. Not capable of much - I slouched down at my computer and checked emails and Facebook. I noticed in my news feed that 'Jamie' went from 'single' to 'in a relationship' - my initial thought was "wow that's great!" as 'Jamie' had been single for two years. Still a little hyper from the night before I decided to comment on his status along with many other people from uni. I congratulated him and called him a dark horse for not telling anyone at the party last night. 'Jamie' replied with 'haha yeah thanks cheeky'. Confused by his comments I decided to go back to bed.

...to be continued

There’s no story I can tell you that is as powerful as the story you tell yourself

After clicking onto anonymous blogs one after the other a common theme has prevailed; "self indulgence". This observation has inspired my first blog to be somewhat critical of the blogging community. Hello bloggers, My name is [insert name] and here is my life story in numbing detail and excruciating hypotheticals.

My general aim is to blog about life as I see it and how others see it. If I ever start detailing my journey to the supermarket and doctors surgery please cyber-punch me and un-follow me immediately.

C x


Loyalties Of Life by Christal A is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.
Based on a work at loyaltiesoflife.blogspot.com.